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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

A lessons in abandonment (or whatever I kinda don’t care)

Now, let’s begin with a few tricks, okay?
Right, disappearing; let me tell you about it.
The trick to disappearing is a little less difficult. Not much effort is required. Just disappearance. Never appear, ever again. Now this can easily be traced back to yesterday and our recent childhoods. We’ve seen fathers do it. We’ve seen lovers do it. The convicts have done so as well. We remember those birds we instantly grew fond of, singing us from last night’s slumber into a wonderfully aligned new day, we know how we’ve never seen them again since then, how that moment of us trying to get closer actually scared them away. Milk disappears through sand. Something as easy as air! Always disappearing. So I trust you will not have a problem with this.

Let’s get to disappointment.
This is also another easy one to perform. Don’t worry about it. Here you can occupy either side of the phenomenon. You can disappoint or be disappointed. My advice to you; be the less sad one. How you do this can be up to you, but because I think you’re cool and I kinda like you, I will tell you. So the trick to not being disappointed is easy. Never expect anything! There. Now you can go and disappoint people. Great.

Very well.
Let’s quickly pass through the shit about trust, honesty, loyalty, betrayal and all the crap you’ve been taught and thought to be most important. Now listen, fuck all of that. Just move.
Yes, a lesson in abandonment.
Now when all is said and done. It will be. Complete. Done. You will make homes out of people’s chests, the cobwebs between their eyes will remind you of heaven, the cold in their hands will, at least for that time, be the greatest warmth you will ever come to know. Their emptiness will be enough for you. You will relish all your wounds and loneliness above their shoulders. You will learn to see flowers in the desert of their ugly. You will Love! Empty all your contents into their leaking buckets. You will, for those moments, know what it is to be home, to be clean, important and visible. You will forget all your shame at the touch of their cynical hands. Their glance will be purification, no matter how disengaged it may be. This will happen. It will be nice, enjoy it. Or whatever, it is your life after all.

Now, always remember this; people are that. Just that. Nothing else, though your heart will make angels and saints out of them, allow your mind to remind you. People are just that. Soon you will fall. Soon your head will be below your knees, not so much a bleeding but an open wound needing only a blow of soft air to heal, just that. But they will be gone! The people. They are just that. Derrick says ‘You cannot be abandoned, you can only be released’ True, pity though, but true. So abandonment unlike disappearance is an act that the actor is fully aware of and is done with an aim to destroy something. So you will be abandoned, only you can release yourself. Only you. Because when people abandon you, they have no courtesy of releasing you. It is not an act of mercy, but that of war. Ready your hands for waves, your tongue for quiet and your feet for goodbye. People will become people and you will remain empty if you have released all your little self into their emptiness. Now beware, always save some for yourself. When abandonment arrives, always find a way to return. Always return.

Yours, always hidden.
Thababosiu
…back to The Shadows.

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