Painted the air with breaths of dead roses from an aerosol
The air smelled of a fading blue, like the sky
A pure sky, the sky in my room inhaled the angry smoke from my troubled shoes
Looking for unnoticeable spots under my bed and over my head
Once found, only glitters confirmed their presence
I cleaned my room. Looked at my phone
No red flashing lights, no ticklish vibrating dances
It was silent, my cool phone was there playing dead.
No sound, the gold was even wearing off the silence.
Should I call the hospital already?
Let me call her first.
She does have a nice voice, I should admit
Time slowed down, hell stood in awe
When her old voice mailed me a boxed message from her past
“Hello, it is me here, mail me your voice in this box and I’ll get back to you if the message is worth it of course…or deep”
With just that, the myth of heaven became a glimpse of what truth sounds like
I saw it jumping out of the fixed wall in front of me
I saw pink suited astronauts floating from its amorphous windows
They had all the air that sustains creation on their backs,
And that’s all that God was, the air entered my ears
A smile spread itself all over my face
Joy rushed into my chest without my approval
I didn’t leave a message; I couldn’t be deep as requested by her boxed voice
Should I call the hospital already?
I think she’s avoiding me
Or with someone else much more cooler than I am
Am I paranoid? Paranoia cannot be the architect of distrust and insecurities
Or can it? I think too much that’s my problem,
Her words still echo on the tips of my tongue
“You should learn to relax Kagiso, know that I’m yours and I’m not moving”
It was hard to believe, a ballerina speaking of stillness,
Almost oxymoronic, but where is she?
I have been waiting, Godot passed here chasing the speed of light
But what can I say? I think I should call already, yes, the hospital.
At the hospital, it is such a madness and unnecessary suffering
Children being born out of luck,
Others returning on exit, afraid to exist, in this fun world
“It is not fun Kagiso, you are being absurd again”
I swear people die there every day,
Doctors running out of patients
Buildings deteriorating, waiting rooms running out of patience
This waiting has got me mad now, where is she?
Oh but the mind does that sometimes,
Oscillates uncontrollably fast between opposing polarities
I should be thinking about beauty Damnit!
Okay, clearly her absence is driving me more crazy than her presence
I’m calling the hospital,
“Hello, I need help please…yes…I can’t move…
I’m sitting in my room…with a broken promise…”
